The idea of orgasm while giving birth is almost always laughed at, mocked or disbelieved. But just because the majority of women don’t experience it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist.
Is it even possible? If it is, why can’t every mother experience it?
Orgasm While Giving Birth
Let’s think about this from a physiological perspective. During sexual activity, what is going on with your body?
- certain areas are being stimulated, mainly your:
- vagina
- clitoris
- labia
- surrounding tissues
- maybe even your breasts and nipples
- hormones are flooding your brain and blood stream, like:
- oxytocin
- endorphins
- other stress relieving molecules
- your heart rate and blood pressure increases
- stronger and more distinct sensations are overcoming you
Now think about what’s happening to your body during childbirth. It’s nearly EXACTLY THE SAME.
I guess the only major physical difference is that instead of something entering your vagina, something is exiting your vagina-the baby.
The DIFFERENCE is how you perceive the experience and choose to respond to it. Watch my experience and perception about it.
The Facts Surrounding Orgasmic Birth
Wouldn’t it be easy to just say, “You know, I enjoy sex. And I want to enjoy my baby’s birth. So I’m going to do everything I can to equate the two experiences.”
You likely won’t be able to go that far. Only less than 1% of women actually experience heightened sexual pleasure during their natural births. But it is highly believed that that number is an underestimate because many women feel shame or guilt from the fact that they DO find pleasure in giving birth.
WHY?
Because our society teaches us to fear birth, that it’s nothing but pain and discomfort, and that it’s a mockery to compare it with normal sexual experiences. It’s like the woman that laughs in your face when you express that you want to have a natural baby birth. (Learn how to overcome that fear.)
The commonality of interventions during such a normal, natural process had desensitized us and changed our entire understanding of what IS actually the BEST way.
Not that having an orgasm during birth IS the BEST way for everyone, but it’s certainly in the same category. Just like how there are variations on the ways women can give birth (like if their baby is posterior or not, having precipitous labors or not), it makes sense that women experience different feelings and sensations.
Of all the women that you’ve asked about their birth, how it felt and such, were any of their answers exactly the same? No, maybe similar in some cases, but I doubt exactly the same. It’s amazing the differences in how women will describe what they went through.
So this is just a matter of one’s personal anatomy and mental state, if they are able to have such sensations during birth. It’s like regular orgasm during sex: some women orgasm easily, some don’t.
Your body is SO complex and your thoughts are so intricate from your experiences and choices that it’s impossible to say that you will or will not have an orgasmic birth based on how you’ve prepared.
But DON’T throw the idea away. Many aspects of it can be applied to your labor & birth in order to help you relax and get through it much easier. You can watch Kate Dipfl present her perspective on incorporating our sexual natures into our births in this post here.
The Idea Of Orgasm Applied To Pain Relief
It’s clear in medical literature and personal experience that orgasm reduces sensitivity to pain. Even if you don’t hit that peak of sensation, your body is still working in the same direction of pleasure and everything associated with it.
What’s important to know is that pain and pleasure feelings travel along the same neural pathways in our brains-the SAME pathways. So what makes the difference between and pain and pleasure? I believe it’s your choice surrounding the experience and other circumstances that created the feelings.
Think of it this way: If your having a sexual experience with your husband and it’s not very enjoyable, you’re likely in more pain, right? When you’re irritated about something, or your not choosing to focus on the moment of deep care for each other, it leads to an experience that’s not very comfortable. You may end up fighting the feelings trying to help you just to get it over with, or some other discomforting reason.
But when you’re having a wonderful sexual moment, is there frustration or fear or anxiety or pain? Not likely. Are you relaxed, calm and peaceful the majority of the time? Pretty much.
So if you want to apply this to childbirth, you have to see it from a sexual perspective. You’re sensations and nerve activity firing in your brain when you start to enter active labor is like your body telling you what side of the line you’re on.
That neural pathway is like a fence. You can walk alongside of it and get to where you need to go no matter what side of it you’re on. But the environment on either side of that fence is very different. One side is pleasure and the other is pain.
When fear overcomes you and you allow your body to lean towards the side of pain, it’s where you will likely fall. When you’ve prepared for this journey along the fence line of childbirth, it may become very easy for you to accept what your body is willing your mind to do, and you can more easily fall onto the pleasure side of that line.
Does that mean if you’ve overcome your fears about childbirth that you will ALWAYS fall completely on the pleasure side? It’s not that cut and dried.
Instead of it being black and white, there are hundreds of levels of blended grays in between. But the farther into the white you help yourself travel, the less blackness of pain you’re likely to experience.
What Can I Do To Help Myself Have Orgasmic Pain Relief?
Again, none of these options will guarantee you a fantastically pleasurable birth. But they certainly do no harm when it comes to pain relief.
- Laugh. Laughing? Sure. Laughing allows your brain to create more oxytocin. Often times when you’ve had a very pleasurable sexual experience, you may find yourself laughing. It’s a natural reaction to the flood of ‘feel-good’ molecules gushing through your veins.
- Take the time while you’re in labor to find something light-hearted or funny to dwell on.
- Husbands are pretty good about this when trying to find ways to help their wife be more comfortable. Give him a task so he’s not so bored waiting around for you to start pushing: finding something to help you laugh during your labor. It could be something you’ve already got in your labor goody bag too.
- Stimulation. Now I doubt that you or your husband wants to hop in the sack while you’re in labor, let alone how difficult it can be even when you’re not. But stimulating your nipples and clitoris can help produce a similar effect that gently reflects the same sexually. However, it may be awkward for you with others around.
- Maybe you’ll feel more comfortable while your nurse is out of the room.
- Or keep a sheet over you while you’re resting through a contraction.
- Maybe if you’re still at home in the early stages of labor, it can be done prior to your arrival at the hospital. Whatever is comfortable for you.
- Try using a vibrator if that works better.
- Imagery. While you’re using relaxation imagery in your own comfortable relaxation techniques, you can incorporate feelings and visualizations pertaining to how you feel when you’re most at ease with your spouse.
- In that comfortable place you’re picturing, is your spouse there?
- What are you doing together that is similar to your intimate times together?
- What thoughts are you thinking during such intimate times?
- Is there a certain type of music you could be listening to right now that reminds you of those intimate times? (Or discover other great relaxing music for your labor here.)
Everything works differently for every mother. Maybe all three of these things will help, maybe just one. But don’t discount any option if you want to pursue a more pleasurable experience.
Two Things To Remember…
First, all of these things cannot help you if you haven’t already conquered your fear of unnecessary pain during your birth. That’s something I can’t really teach. It’s something you must learn on your own, finding out what is causing your fear and channeling it in a way to break down the barriers you may have built for yourself.
Learn all you can to implement techniques and methods you’re most comfortable with, incorporating these for an ideal orgasmic birth as far as you can control, and you’ll find better results.
Second, that fence-line between pain and pleasure that you travel may have a broken down spot. Or by some random act of nature far beyond your control, a tornado of difficulty may come pick you up and drop you on the other side of that line.
Be accepting of those possibilities, but ALSO fight against the headwinds. Hunker down and hang on, knowing that the end is SO close. Even if you need to grab a hold of that dividing line as securely as you can until the storm has passed so that you can more easily walk farther away from the painful side.
→ So do all you can to stay on the whiter side of the graying levels of birthing pains, and do all you can to lean over the pleasure side of the fence, landing on the right side.
Master Your Imagery Experiences With A Birth Relaxation Kit
You likely won’t have an orgasm. But you also won’t fall of the edge of cliff of pain when you appreciate your body’s abilities and use them to your advantage.
I’ve never had what I would describe as an orgasmic birth. I don’t think I would mind it at all. Would you?
This is definetly one of the most interesting articles I’ve read in a while. I never really gave the concept much thought but I guess it isn’t that outrageous. Some people do get off on pain so it wouldn’t really be that different. Plus birth is pretty intimate if you think about it.
Overall a very interesting read that made me look at childbirth a little different. Thanks for the info.
One last thing, does this happen often?
Birth is VERY intimate, you’re quite right. And excellent question, Dylan. Orgasmic birth is more of a term describing more than just a woman having an orgasm during childbirth. It’s inclusive of natural births that are more enjoyed or powerfully experienced-not negatively or painfully experienced. But as for actually having an orgasm, it’s less than 2% of women who do. But it’s believed that statistically, that 2% is an underestimation because many women don’t share that information often, if at all. Let me know if you have any other questions. Have a great weekend!
There are many different qualities of sensation that can be elicited from vaginal and cervical stimulation, and that’s why some people say giving birth is the worst pain they’ve ever felt, and others say it feels orgasmic, pleasurable, and even erotic,” says Komisaruk. If a woman claims she’s had an orgasm while giving birth, who are we to say she’s not telling the truth?
Exactly! Why would a mother claim such if it weren’t true? What’s the benefit? You’re right, Ayomide. Even with my births, I found through personal experience that if I tensed up and fought the feelings of labor, it made things worse. When I relaxed and allowed my breathing and mind to be calm, managing my labor with acceptance, the feeling was much differently perceived. It is a fine line, but it’s worth the effort of staying on the right side.
Hi thank you,Sarah for your insight on what I think is a sensitve subject to most especially on a males perspective. In my opinion it will be difficult to mix pleasure with pain but some do preceive pain and pleasure as the same thing.I do have great respect for all the moms and future mothers of this world as I can only imagine what it will feel like to give birth in todays times and what it will be to give birth naturally.
A great review thanks,Sarah.
It is a sensitive subject, but can also be a very enlightening or even fun topic, depending on your perspective or experiences. I’m glad that you appreciate it from the male perspective because it can make such a difference in how a husband supports his wife during her labor & delivery.
I appreciate your comments. Thanks, Sonny!
Wonders will never end. This is strange because I am reading this for the first time. I would have just dismissed the whole idea as rubbish if not that some women have attested to the fact that they also experienced such orgasmic birth. All what we were told and also witnessed was a painful type of thing but this is a new dimension to it.
This is very revealing and enlightening. Thanks for the post.
Thank you, Sam. The human body is so wondorous and interesting isn’t it?
Very interesting post on birth and having a pleasant one at that. I definitely wasn’t expecting this page when looking for having a home birth but that’s great for the women who can have such a pleasant experience during childbirth. I assumed it was painful because there’s a huge stretching and tearing and squeezing of a child larger than the space allowed for that child. Best of luck to all of you who are looking for this experience.
It certainly can be painful, especially for those mothers who don’t prepare or don’t choose to manage their labor with acceptance. There are so many aspects to the experience that one cannot consider just a single point about it. Thank you for your comment, Benjamin.
I experienced an orgasmic birth in 1978, with the NCB of my 2nd son. I thought I was some sort of freak, and never talked about it, until other women started to talk about it THIS century! LOL! (By the way, I’m a long-time RN, Professor of Nursing, doula, doula trainer, and childbirth educator.)
Marie, age 62.
That is fantastic Marie! I honestly feel like a freak a bit when people hear that I’ve given birth naturally, twice, and that I plan to again. So I can’t imagine how much more so it would be to tell people you’ve had an orgasmic birth. (Unless you still don’t tell people
)
What would you recommend to young mothers going into their labor and delivery? I’d love to hear your perspective. Thanks!
Gosh. I encourage women to remember that despite what modern society tells them, their bodies know how to grow babies and get those babies out when it’s time. I also encourage them towards midwifery care. Hiring a surgeon (Ob/Gyn) to catch your baby makes about as much sense as hiring a Pediatrician to babysit your 4-year old. Also, babies can’t read calendars, so due dates are fairly meaningless. There’s no truth to the notion that, “They’d have never come if I didn’t get induced.” You just haven’t met an Ob/Gyn willing to wait. Babies WILL come when they’re ready. That’s about it. Simple, really. ; )
I DO agree, due dates are meaningless. This my first time using a midwife, but I did have great doctors with my first two that I had good experiences with. But I look forward to how she is going to be able to help me better this time around. I learned more from her in my first prenatal visit than two whole pregnancies with OBGYNs.
Thanks SO much Marie. Feel free to share and comment anytime. I appreciate your insight. Best!
Yes I’ve heard of Orgasmic Birth! It was explained to me during our birth preparation classes. My midwife would have welcomed my hubby and I…. during labour. She was a very spiritual and connected lady that believed strongly in orgasmic birth. However that didn’t occur to me at the time and even if it did I doubt I would have entertained the idea
I think that would have been a wonderful alternative to the birth I landed up having though. 42 hours labour at home attempting a home birth, with a posterior baby before I went into hospital for an emergency c-section.
I would have loved to have given birth to my angels at home.
I’m sorry that your birth didn’t go as planned or how you would have hoped it could have been. I’m glad that you and your little one are well though. C-sections do save many lives and I would never turn one down in an emergency either.
Stories and affirmations like yours, even though they aren’t exactly what we would want, STILL help young mothers know that when they’re trying to accomplish can happen, even if it’s not the best of circumstances. Thank you for sharing.
Wow, This is honestly the first time I have ever heard of a woman having an orgasm during birth. Makes my head spin to think about it.
Anything is certainly possible and I can imagine it would be preferred to the preconceived stereotypical painful scenario.
Like you mention in the write up, you have to conquer the ” fear ” before this you can apply this information. I would say it has to do a lot with the power of belief.. The same way a patient can have their appendix removed without any anesthetic by removing the very thought of pain through deep meditation..
I don’t think I would mind an orgasmic birth, I am a male however so my chances are slim. Very interesting topic, Thanks for sharing Sarah
Cheers
Dean
I do believe that the mind can greatly control and effect the body in many ways. However, when it comes to such dramatic and involved scenarios like childbirth, I find that the body is stronger in many ways.
But I see your point Dan. My little brother once enlightened me on this topic you mention about deep meditation. I’m a newbie when it comes to such techniques, but it’s certainly something I’m learning much about now.
I find that when a mother starts with hypnobirthing, it can open an entire new window of understanding about herself and what she can accomplish.
Thanks for your comment!
Very enlightening. I never thought a woman could have an orgasm while giving birth. All four of my births were natural and all I remember feeling was pain before birth and relieve and joy afterwards. But I see the percentage of women that experience it is low. Some women don’t know what an orgasm feels like.
I’m glad that you found joy in your births even though they were painful for you. If you’d like, you can share your birth stories on our stories page so other mothers can find confidence in our experiences. Thanks for visiting Loretta. Best to your family!
No I haven’t had an orgasmic birth. But I think this is an interesting topic and something that I have never thought about before. I wouldn’t think it would even be possible.But I think it would help the birth process by focusing on pleasure rather than the pain. Birth is such a beautiful thing, why not enjoy it!
I like how you put that, Wendy. I don’t think our Father in Heaven would have given us this ability and gift of bringing children into the world if we couldn’t enjoy it at all. Fortunately, there are things we can find joy in everyday if we simply focus on and look for them, even when we’re pregnant.
Thanks for your comment.
Hello Sarah,
I was not expect to read what I read, I expect you to tell me that women would be in too much pain to experience an orgasm during birth.
You explained it in such a way that I now know not only is it possible why does it not occur more often?
Reading further I see that you have touched on the pain and pleasure relationship when it comes to sex.
For centuries people have been using pain to gain more pleasure from their pleasure, you have made a great statement on how to enjoy your sex life more and focus on your troubles less.
Thanks for the information,
San
I really DO think that it occurs more often, especially for mothers birthing in non-westernized areas of the world because of the society and stigma we’ve created for ourselves. But if you think about it, most women don’t have an orgasm when they’re being penetrated during sex, it usually takes other stimulation. But there are a few who can. I think it applies much the same way here. Thanks for your comment, San!